My intention was to post weekly thoughts about meditation. And then came Thanksgiving, Christmas shopping, Christmas decorating, Christmas baking, Christmas Eve, Christmas dinner and the amazing flow of friends and family through my house. I love the holidays - the warmth of family and friends under one roof is something to cherish! The down side? As a Type A Master Planner, my gift lists, grocery lists and holiday to do lists gave me ample excuses not to meditate.
This is, of course, the perfect time of year for me to meditate. Holiday "To Do" lists have a way of making me feel overwhelmed, grumpy and burnt out. This self imposed stress defeats the true purpose and spirit of the holidays - to be present with those I love, to look back on the year with gratitude, to cherish what I have been given. I have a feeling meditation would have helped me deal with feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes, when I am sitting quietly, I am reminded of things that make me feel whole - snuggling up with my dogs, calling my grandmother and writing love notes to my best friends on the hilarious Christmas cards I hand picked for each one this year! (those hand picked Christmas cards are still blank - now tucked away for next year - oh well!)
Yesterday, I did manage to sit quietly with my mala beads and my mantra ("Be the change you want to see in the world..."). My natural instincts would be to obsess over my lack of meditation commitment and feed into my sense of failure. However, I am going to try to use meditation to change this habit of obsession and guilt. And what better time than the New Year to turn over this new leaf!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Why meditation?
Truthfully, I can not remember why meditation suddenly seemed like a good idea for me. It's easier to outline why NOT meditation - or why my initation into meditation has been hesitant and awkward. I have done yoga for many years, but enjoyed the physical part (asana, or the various poses like Warrior I and Triangle) much more than the contemplative part (shavasana, or the last 10 minutes or so of any yoga class where you lay on your mat and do nothing except "be present"). In fact, I was historically bad at getting my mind to shut down during shavasana!
More importantly, I had this tendency to roll my eyes when people discussed things like, "Being present with yourself" and "Finding your inner child." This probably had something to do with being threatened by things above and beyond myself! In spite of my openness to practicing and studying yoga, I drew the line at meditation for a long time. The reasons may lie in my relationship to organized religion. I did not consider myself a religious person, so the question of who to talk to during meditation caused me great concern. I didn't pray or go to church, so I was worried about accidentally meditating on God and feeling like a shallow hypocrite! And yet, I didn't know any other ethereal beings, so who was I supposed to address!
In addition, no one in my close knit circle of friends and family meditated. My family is from Kansas and Louisiana - they eat steak and gumbo, not tofu and lentils! And most of my friends work in healthcare - these folks are western medicine minded. Discuss chakras and chanting, and they start to twitch! So who would I talk to for encouragement when my meditation attempts failed??? These issues and more served as convenient obstacles to meditation for a few years.
In spite of my attraction to movement versus stillness, my insecurities with the spiritual side of meditation and my lack of familial/friendship connection, the pull towards my own personal meditation practice has persisted. I began meditating, or sitting, with some regularity as of October, 2008. My practice is young and naive, embarassing in its imperfections! But nonetheless - I am showing up as often as I can. And even though I am proving weak at quieting my mind, I have to believe that, as with anything else in life, practice is what counts! I hope that this blog will reinforce my experience with sitting. And maybe, if anyone else finds their way to this site, it will help some other "Average Everyday Person" find their way to some resemblance of serenity through the simple act of sitting and quieting their left brain!
More importantly, I had this tendency to roll my eyes when people discussed things like, "Being present with yourself" and "Finding your inner child." This probably had something to do with being threatened by things above and beyond myself! In spite of my openness to practicing and studying yoga, I drew the line at meditation for a long time. The reasons may lie in my relationship to organized religion. I did not consider myself a religious person, so the question of who to talk to during meditation caused me great concern. I didn't pray or go to church, so I was worried about accidentally meditating on God and feeling like a shallow hypocrite! And yet, I didn't know any other ethereal beings, so who was I supposed to address!
In addition, no one in my close knit circle of friends and family meditated. My family is from Kansas and Louisiana - they eat steak and gumbo, not tofu and lentils! And most of my friends work in healthcare - these folks are western medicine minded. Discuss chakras and chanting, and they start to twitch! So who would I talk to for encouragement when my meditation attempts failed??? These issues and more served as convenient obstacles to meditation for a few years.
In spite of my attraction to movement versus stillness, my insecurities with the spiritual side of meditation and my lack of familial/friendship connection, the pull towards my own personal meditation practice has persisted. I began meditating, or sitting, with some regularity as of October, 2008. My practice is young and naive, embarassing in its imperfections! But nonetheless - I am showing up as often as I can. And even though I am proving weak at quieting my mind, I have to believe that, as with anything else in life, practice is what counts! I hope that this blog will reinforce my experience with sitting. And maybe, if anyone else finds their way to this site, it will help some other "Average Everyday Person" find their way to some resemblance of serenity through the simple act of sitting and quieting their left brain!
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